Parasocial Love Stories: Why We Think Influencers Are Our Friends

💔 Ever felt closer to an influencer than your own friends?

That’s parasocial love — comforting, risky, and everywhere.

We live in strange times. You can wake up, grab your phone, and within seconds you’re laughing at a stranger’s silly dance, tearing up over their breakup, or feeling proud when they buy their first house.

Here’s the odd part: you’ve never met them. They don’t know your name. But deep down, you feel connected — almost like they’re a close friend.

That, right there, is what people today call parasocial love. It sounds complicated, but it really isn’t. It simply means a one-sided relationship. You feel love, care, or friendship toward someone who has no idea you exist. And if you think this is rare, think again: a survey conducted by Thriveworks found that 51% of Americans have likely experienced parasocial relationships, though only 16% openly admit it. In other words, half the population is secretly in a one-sided relationship — they just don’t call it that.

Love From Afar: Then and Now — Why Influencers Feel Like Our Friends

Parasocial love isn’t new. In fact, it’s been around for decades.

Think about the golden age of cinema and music. People adored stars like Marilyn Monroe, Rajesh Khanna, Elvis Presley, or Madhubala. Fans filled their walls with posters, kept scrapbooks of newspaper clippings, and screamed their lungs out at concerts. Some even wrote love letters to their idols, pouring out their hearts to someone they would never meet.

But here’s the thing: those stars were always distant. You saw them on a giant screen or maybe read about them in magazines, but their private lives were mostly hidden. They felt untouchable, like living gods.

Fast forward to today — things couldn’t be more different. Influencers aren’t hidden behind velvet ropes. They’re in your pocket, on your phone, waiting for you on YouTube, Instagram, or TikTok. And they’re not just showing you polished performances. They’re showing you everything.

They vlog while sipping their morning coffee. They post teary-eyed videos after arguments. They share messy kitchens, pimple creams, and late-night cravings. Some even use little tricks to make you feel closer — like casually chatting with the camera while putting on a T-shirt or slipping into a pair of jeans. These are ordinary, intimate moments, the kind usually shared between partners or family. But when they post them online, it feels like they’re sharing them with you.

And because social media keeps showing you their videos again and again — thanks to endless recommendations — your brain starts treating them like someone you actually know. The science is simple: the more familiar a face becomes, the more real and trustworthy it feels.

So when your favorite influencer looks into the lens and says, “Hey guys, you won’t believe what happened today…” your mind doesn’t think, “They’re talking to millions.” Instead, it whispers, “They’re talking to me.”

That’s how admiration slowly transforms into affection. In fact, a study of 1,080 people in the UK and US found that 52% said they had a strong parasocial bond with a YouTuber, and 36% felt genuinely close to at least one of them. Many even admitted that watching their favorite YouTuber could lift their mood more than spending time with casual acquaintances in real life. Parasocial love doesn’t just feel real — it can sometimes feel better than reality.

When Harmless Crushes Go Too Far

Most parasocial love stories remain harmless. You binge-watch their videos, like their posts, maybe even buy some merch. Nothing wrong with that. It can make you smile, give you comfort, or even inspire you. During the pandemic, when many people were isolated, parasocial bonds actually grew stronger. With face-to-face contact limited, screens stepped in to fill the emotional gap.

But sometimes, admiration doesn’t stop there. It grows into something heavier.

Take the story of Alexandra Saper, a travel influencer who shares her journeys on Instagram as @thewayfaress. What began as a stranger’s fascination with her online presence grew into something dangerous.

The man didn’t just message her online. He actually flew all the way to Bali, where Alexandra was living, and was spotted in places she used to frequent. Fearing for her safety, Alexandra went into hiding and eventually fled the country. Later, when the man returned to the UK, he was caught and charged.

Her story is a chilling reminder of how parasocial love — the illusion of closeness created through screens — can, in rare cases, spill into real life with frightening consequences.

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A post shared by Alexandra | Travel Creator (@thewayfaress)

The Good and the Bad

Like most things in life, parasocial love has both light and shadow.

✨ The Good Side

At its best, parasocial love can be a lifeline. For someone who feels lonely, following an influencer can provide comfort, a sense of routine, even companionship. You laugh with them, you cheer for them, you feel included in their journey. Influencers also often motivate people to start exercising, cook new recipes, travel to new places, or even pursue their dreams. For shy or isolated individuals, it can also lead to joining online communities of fans, where real friendships blossom.

Psychologists note that these bonds can feel like a “safe haven.” They may not replace real friendships, but they can soften loneliness. That’s why parasocial connections surged during the COVID-19 lockdowns — when human contact shrank, digital companionship stepped in.

⚠️ The Dark Side

But there is also a much darker side, and it’s not just about stalking cases. Parasocial bonds can be exploited. Some influencers (or the companies behind them) use the trust and closeness they’ve built to push harmful things onto their audiences:

Fake News & Propaganda: Influencers can become powerful megaphones. One study reviewing thousands of social media interactions noted that parasocial trust makes people more vulnerable to misinformation — especially when it comes from a “familiar” face.

Ponzi Schemes & Shady Promotions: Research analyzing over 7,000 Instagram posts in Japan found that the stronger the parasocial bond, the more likely followers were to believe and act on promotions. That’s great for honest creators, but it also means scams spread faster when disguised as personal recommendations.

Unrealistic Standards: Constant exposure to curated, filtered lifestyles can harm self-esteem, especially among young people who start comparing their real lives to someone else’s highlight reel.

Emotional Manipulation: From exaggerated sob stories to staged “confessions,” some creators play on the emotions of their audience, knowing that loyal fans will respond with sympathy, donations, or blind defense.

This is why parasocial love is powerful — because it taps into one of our deepest human needs: connection. And anything that powerful can be used for both good and harm.

So, Where Does This Leave Us?

Parasocial love stories are not just quirky side-effects of the internet. They’re shaping how we connect, how we love, and how we see ourselves.

Sometimes, it’s harmless — like cheering for your favorite influencer’s success. Sometimes, it’s comforting — like finding company on a lonely night. But sometimes, it’s dangerous — when admiration turns into obsession, or when powerful voices exploit the deep trust of their audiences.

At the end of the day, humans crave connection. We want to feel seen, heard, and loved. Influencers give us a taste of that — a sweet, addictive taste. But it’s worth remembering: as real as it feels, parasocial love is always one-sided. The challenge for us is not to reject it completely, but to stay aware, draw boundaries, and make sure we don’t lose ourselves in the illusion.